Last night I dreamt
And I was so much happier than I’ve been in the longest time.
You know how George W. Bush was the puppet to the policies likely formed by Rick Cheney?
What if Obama is just the Bush to Hillary’s Cheney?
People keep calling me smart.
I really don’t feel all that smart; it just feels like everyone around me is really rather stupid.
Maybe I was more in love with the freedom. The freedom of… sharing my days and hours, unrestricted, doing all the things I wish I could be doing now. The sex,
Oh – the sex.
The moments in the blistering cold, wearing nothing but a flannel, pants and shoes; shooting the shit with your friend’s chiropractor mom. Seeking shelter from the cold in that room with the piano and the stage, and the curtains that never closed. Watching the world from upside down; the lights dangling softly from the rafters, and the hills rolling up to edge of our gaze.
Walking around the town in the pouring rain; blown from the bowl we’d smoked half way out your window. Carrying pizza, practically shoving it in my coat to keep it from drowning in the downpour.
I could’ve done it all with you. Explored with you. Gone to the moon and back if we wanted to.
And that’s the difference between then and now.
I want that freedom. I’m envious of that freedom. I want to share that freedom with someone. But I can’t. Not until we’re truly free.
And that’s what drives me to work my hardest.
And that’s what drives me to plan so cautious.
And that’s what drives me to fight everything… that holds me back.
I wish I could be happier.
I just… can’t stand still.
Wonderful feeling it is
to never feel appreciated.
Edit: Oh yeah, let’s double that.
dude what the fuck
I just found an old gram of weed in one of my drawers, ahahahaha
now i wonder how long it’s been sitting up there